If sending Sailor to me was Heavenly Father's way of telling me He trusted me with a "spirited" child, I sure hope He changes His mind with the next one.

It seems as if I mostly only share the positive things about motherhood on my blog. Well, let me tell you, motherhood is not always positive. If you think it is, you're not a mother. Or perhaps you are one of the mothers who is in mine and Sailor's Mommy and Me swim class. One of the moms whose child floats along peacefully in the water and kicks his/her legs at the exact moment that the swim instructor tells him/her to. Unfortunately, I am a mom on the other side of the spectrum. A mom whose child screams whenever he/she is told to make a simple splash in the water (something that this particular child does OVER and OVER in the bathtub when he/she is told not to). A mom whose child screams when told to do anything, for that matter.

As you have probably surmised, today has not been a good motherhood day for me. It all started at about 5 AM this morning. Sailor awoke for her usual morning bottle earlier than normal. She has one every morning at around 6 and then goes back to sleep for another hour or so. Totally normal for a 19-month-old, right? Wrong. If you would've told me 19 months ago that Sailor would still not be sleeping all the way through the night, I would've laughed. Who's laughing now? Not me.

She continued to wake up about every 20 minutes or so until she finally got up for good around 7, at which point we ate breakfast and started to get ready for swim lessons (a process which was not without at least a tantrum or two).

Then there was the Mommy and Me class. These lessons started on Monday and Sailor has gotten progressively less obedient each day. Today she had me on the verge of tears several times until I finally told the instructor that we were leaving early.

And then there were the errands we ran after swim lessons to stall before going to Sailor's doctor's appointment. At the otherwise silent bookstore, Sailor made her screaming entrance as I told her that she could not try on the sunglasses that were by the front door. We then proceeded to the children's section where she decided to pull every book she could find off the shelves while I frantically searched for a couple of books that she might like to have at home.

Lastly, the doctor's appointment. I knew this would be a failure. It always is. "Wait," you say, "Sailor had to go to the doctor today?" Yep. Go figure. It was a follow-up appointment from her surgery, but still. I feel like I've spent half of that girl's life in the doctor's office. Anyway, she refused to watch the children's movie that every other child in the lobby was fascinated by. Instead she chose to walk around and touch every dirty trash can or anything else she could find that looked shiny or hazardous. When we got to the back room, she continued to touch everything in sight, open every drawer she could reach, and climb on anything she could manage to pull herself up on. Any attempt to get her to stop ended in the most blood-curdling scream you could possibly imagine from a 19-month-old. That poor doctor probably couldn't get us out of there fast enough.

Thank goodness Glen was home when we got home. I went into the back room, locked the door (which Sailor was NOT happy about), and had some much needed time to myself.

A "spirited" child: "one who is more intense, sensitive, perceptive, persistent and energetic." That's what the parenting book I'm reading tells me at least. And that definition could not fit Sailor more. I often wonder how Heavenly Father could trust me with a child who is so strong-willed. I never in my wildest dreams expected parenting to be this hard. Will it ever get easier? Will my next child be this exhausting?

I needed some time by myself (and a much needed nap) before I could start thinking again about all of the things I love about Sailor. Yes, she is volatile, but she has more personality than any toddler I've ever known. Yes, she's constantly getting into everything, but she is curious and so smart. And, yes, she's loud, but she is zestful and opinionated.

As I was tucking her in tonight, she sang 'I am a child of God' to me, in her sweet, little voice. Thank goodness for those little moments that keep us moms going. Now if only I can remember that moment during swim lessons tomorrow ;).